03 · Scapegoat as a serviceA joke. Not for sale.
The only thing AI can't do is take the blame.
Scapegoat as a service. Whatever goes wrong, I take the blame. All of it.
AI can write the code, the tests and the post-mortem. Someone still has to stand up in the meeting and say "that was me." That part is still a job for a person, and the person is me.
When you need oneSituations, not hypotheticals
The outageProduction went down at 2am. The board wants a root cause by 9. I take the blame for it.
The migrationIt was supposed to take six weeks. It is week nineteen. The report explains, in detail, where the other thirteen went. I apologise for every one of them.
The cloud billIt doubled and nobody can say why. There is now a slide that says why. My photo is on it.
The AI featureIt told a customer something confident and wrong. I take the blame.
The vendorIn hindsight, obviously the wrong call. I will be the one who says so in the meeting.
How it worksThree steps, one outcome
01Something goes wrong, or less smoothly than planned. That is the only requirement.
02The blame lands on me. All of it.
03Your team keeps its dignity. The room gets someone to point at. The fix still ships.
What's includedEverything, unfortunately
The meetingI attend the post-mortem and say "that was me" out loud.
The slideOne slide for the board. My photo is on it.
The termFor as long as anyone keeps bringing it up.
QuestionsAsked with a straight face
Is this real?The blame is real. The service is not for sale.
Can I buy it on its own?No. Not on its own, and not with anything else.
What if it really was my team?In the meeting, it was me. That is the service.
Scapegoat as a serviceNot for sale